Kingdom Kills: A series of oneshots
by Kiwi The Dog
Summary: A series of oneshots where someone or something dies in each one! Claim 1: Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? Kairi gets so fed up with Selphie that she plans to poison her animal crackers... Who will eat them!
1. Is a vegetarian permitted to eat

Author's Note: So.. I'm doing a whole bunch of these shorties for my KH Claim and this was the first one. Um.. The theme is: "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers" So... This is what came about.. XD Yah. You know I'm cool. So.. If you like this one, stay tuned for somemore. They won't all be quite this sadistic... I swear/p>

Rated T for Slightly OOC Kairi, some Selphie bashing, depression, many character's deaths and the author's twisted humor.

Disclaimer: I don't own: KH or Prozac. But I do own psychotic-depressed Kairi :D .

"So, if I become a vegetarian can I still eat beef?" Selphie asked, as she was painting her nails this horrific blue color.

My eye twitched for at least the 300th time tonight. I had once again forgotten the reason that I liked Selphie. Why had I invited her over again? Occasionally she had these bouts of niceness and intelligence. Today obviously wasn't one of them. "If you want to eat beef Selphie… Then why would you become a vegetarian?"

"Oh. Whatever. What about animal crackers?"

301. "Selphie… Animal crackers don't count as meat just because they're shaped like animals." My brain was slowly turning to mush and my nice personality was starting to deteriorate. Between being abandoned for a day and having to hang out with the most _annoying _person on Destiny Islands it was hard not to lose patience.

"Good, cause I really like animal crackers. What's wrong?"

I guess I had spaced out for a moment, from complete and utter boredom, "Nothing."

"Anyway, I wouldn't want to give up animal crackers, cause they're my favorite. Do you think Tidus likes me?"

302. Did this girl have no brains? Did she not notice Tidus' grimace at the sound of her voice? "Oh of course." I said nodding. That poor boy, I thought.

"Really? I was thinking about asking him out." She chirped happily as she blew on her blue nails.

I could only imagine what was going on in this girl's head. I mean for one thing.. It was amazing that she could breathe let alone form sentences. She could also be a completely different person if she tried. But right now I felt like killing myself. I checked my watch and realized that infact, I was due for my meds. "Um…I'll be right back." I ran downstairs and leaned against the counter, breathing heavily. I grabbed my medication and popped in a few more pills than usual. Mm… Anti-depressant. I hopped up the stairs and gave a huge fake smile to Selphie.

"That was quick." Selphie didn't know I'd been prescribed anti-depressant. She only knew about my counseling.

No more eye twitching for me; the medication was starting to kick in already. I sighed and nodded. "Yah well.. I just had too.. Um.. Well you see I.."

"Yah. Ok Kairi. Anyway, so I was like at the Paopu tree today and I-" She said, waving me off and plowing forward.

Thanks to the meds, all I heard was, "Blah blah… Blah blah. What do you think Kairi?"

"…Um… Yes?"

"Oh… I should have thought of that… Anyway-" She said, continuing as if my input didn't really matter.

I was basically at the end of my wire. For exactly a year I had had to put up with Selphie, and I was wondering why in the world I had liked her before. I mean sure I'd been this perfect little angel girl who had never yelled at anyone. But now? Well let's just put it this way,

I wasn't going to deal with anyone I didn't like anymore.

Selphie was going to die tonight.

Kairi's really awesome side note- Yah I take anti-depressants now. You have no idea how traumatic that whole "getting your heart taken" experience was. Six months of therapy and a regular prescription of Zoloft fixed most of my problems. However, because of the medicine, I can't really sleep. Stupid anti-depressant side effects. They don't ever tell you the important ones on TV. Did you know Zoloft is basically like DEATH? Jeez.. They figure you're screwed up enough, what else could you possibly what than to kill yourself… Right?

Insomnia was one of the many side effects of Zoloft. I usually took this time to think of what to do the next day. Usually, these plans were cheerful and involved: playing Blitzball with Wakka or going swimming with Riku and Sora. However, I think I'd OD'd just a little on the anti-depressant and my anger caught a hold of me.

How should I kill that annoying girl? Gun? No. Too messy… How would I clean that up? Knife? No… She wouldn't die right away, and it's too messy. Noose? How would I get her up there? Hm… Poison…?

FLASHBACK

"_So, if I become a vegetarian can I still eat beef?"_

"_If you want to eat beef Selphie… Then why would you become a vegetarian?" _

"_Oh….Whatever. What about animal crackers?"_

"_Selphie… Animal crackers don't count as meat just because they're shaped like animals."_

"_**Good, cause I really like animal crackers." **_

/FLASHBACK

That's it! I could poison some animal crackers and FEED THEM TO HER. I cackled evilly, but stopped abruptly as Selphie turned over beside me.

"No! I hate cantaloupe!" She muttered in her sleep before she went quiet and still.

I sighed in relief and nodded, making my way to the kitchen, to prepare for my evil plan.

THE NEXT MORNING

The next morning I felt loads better! I took my correct dose of Zoloft and headed downstairs to be faced with a overly cheery Selphie who was cooking breakfast and Sora watching. "Good morning sunshine!" Selphie beamed as she noticed me. "Eggs?"

"Yes please!" Selphie was an exceptional cook and I'll have to say that eggs were her specialty. I hugged Sora and ruffled his already mussed hair.

"Morning Kairi." Sora said, returning the hug and smiling before turning his attention back to the food. Nothing can really distract Sora away from good food, not even me. I noticed that Sora was chewing something that he soon after swallowed. Then I noticed something else that left me shaking…

The animal cracker box was open next to his hand….. Uh oh.

I inwardly groaned and forced a smile as Sora turned to look at me. Sora had eaten one of the poisonous animal crackers! It wouldn't be long now…

Selphie handed Sora his eggs first and he dug in enthusiastically, obviously enjoying the taste and unaware of his impending death.

'Oh God, oh God, oh God' I thought, repeating this mantra in my head and chewing at my nails.

"How are they Sora?"

However, Sora didn't answer as he crumpled to the ground, his tongue sticking out of his mouth, reminiscent of a cartoon.

"That bad?" Selphie frowned. "I thought these were my best yet!" She said, shrugging and dumping the rest of the eggs into the garbage before starting over.

I nudged Sora with my foot and he twitched, but didn't move otherwise. He was gone and I laid my head against the counter and sobbed… 'I can't believe I just killed Sora!' I thought, Selphie looked at me in question but shrugged. She probably decided that it was just my meds acting up again.

She then squinted at Sora on the floor, who twitched violently before lying still. "Ha ha Sora. You can get up now." She said putting her hands on her hips and pouting. "What's with him? It's like he died or something." This only caused me to cry harder as I sobbed into my hands. "Oh."

"It was… The animal crackers!" I sobbed, pointing to the box and Selphie raised an eyebrow at me.

"Animal crackers huh?" She said tapping the box and looking at me before grabbing me by the arm. "I think Kairi needs to go to back to counseling… Mm?"

"Noooooo!" I screamed, reaching for Sora's dead body as she dragged me out the door.

After successfully handing the psychotic Kairi over to Riku. She entered Kairi's house once again. "Stupid girl." She mumbled, dragging Sora's body by the arm. "It was the eggs!"


	2. The Hardest Thing

AN: This story is really about me.. At least the middle part… But it was too depressing so I fixed it up. It was originally called "Lost in Myself" But I changed the title to "The Hardest Thing." I hope you enjoy it.

There was a time when someone realized that it was time to die. They didn't know how it came about.. It just happened. Their love was gone to some other place and not to be found. So there was no real reason to live anymore.

They also realized that they couldn't just disappear out of thin air. They were… practically required to write a letter. A suicide note technically, but they thought that sounded two morbid. So they sat down not on any chair or throne but on a simple tree, that had meant the world to them sometime earlier in their life.

The memories oozed from this tree, causing that someone to have an awful headache that spread to the rest of their bones, into their blood and blurred their vision with crystalline tears that finally spilled down their cheeks and onto that long letter.

Tears stained the pages not from sadness but from a need to return that salty water to the sea. When finished, the letter was so cryptic it made no sense. It went from an inner monologue to a meaningless, imaginary conversation with the one they loved. Here is the letter that was found.

"There was once a moment where I felt empty. My world was vacant because I was nothing. Everyone abandoned me for an instant because they saw a glimpse of my true color. I know I'm beautiful but I feel I'm stone on the inside. My heart is black but everyone sees white. My life is ash but everyone sees fire. I feel like I'm not worthy of anyone. Especially God. No one deserves me because I am so infinitesimal I don't matter. Why would anyone want someone who is sinful like me?

Someone who recognizes that they are sinful has no sin. Someone who asks for forgiveness has already been forgiven. Someone who loves truly is always loved in return. This is not a matter of question it is true. Always true.

But this truth haunts me. I know I am sinful and yet my sin does not disappear. I know that I am an awful person, but no one else seems to see it.

I ask for forgiveness and I am forgiven. My treat my friends like nothing and I am always forgiven. Always.

This is what stops me. I don't deserve such forgiveness for my actions. I don't deserve such friendship or love. Yet I receive it. I receive it like it was nothing for it to be given to me. I know there are others who deserve this more than I do. Why do I receive such things?

The truth is that I am afraid. I'm afraid of what the future would bring to me. I am afraid that someday, everything that has been given to me will be taken away. My friends will desert me. My family will come back to haunt me for the wrongs I've done, My love will hate me, my protector will persecute me, my wounds will re-open, and the gates of heaven will be shut to me.

Stone cannot be loved, or forgiven or protected or healed when cracked. Such a stone will never find deliverance. A real stone has tribulation. But I am a fake stone. My flesh shows others who I really am. My life betrays my appearance. I am nothing more than a foolish idiot who acts like a stone.

I am like the water. The water slips through the cracks and changes. It is the one that cracks the rocks and the one that kills. My waters hold no fish. I bring only pain and do not provide anything. I change and adapt negatively to my surroundings. I'll kill for money and steal from the poor and the children. I will push anyone aside that gets into my way.

I am shallow water. I care only about my reflection. I'm a vain and hate all who are ugly. I can see no one's soul. I can see no one's love. I can see only how they look and what they do. I am shallow and vain.

How can you love someone as horrible as me? I am an awful person and you don't even understand what I have said. I'm so shallow; I don't care how nice or sweet you are. I only care about if you match my standard. You are not who I envision. Someday I know I'll be ready for you… Someday I'll want someone who loves this fake, water-stone. I can't commit to you… You had to have known that. I'm just.. Not ready for someone like you. Don't ask me why, I don't even know what's holding me back. I have been dammed.  
You still don't understand. Let me put It this way: I'm trying to hang on, but I feel like I'm already falling.

… I know some day that you will catch me and I will try to be ready for you when that day comes. It will not be forced. I can't force myself to love anyone. It will be gradual and you might have to wait a long time for me.

I think that maybe… We are destined to be together. No. Not because of any Paopu fruit.. We have an en.

Yes, I spiritual connection which goes deeper than any stupid fruit legend. I'll know when I am ready. I'll know when the time has come for us to be together. I can't force myself to be ready for you. Though I wish deeply that I could.

I must warn you… My love will not fade but it may change. I may love you In a different way than you expect. I may feel like we should remain forever together but apart.

… 

As friends not lovers.

However.. I can never control how I'll feel in the future. Don't make me feel guilty for what I haven't done.

I know you didn't mean it that way, but I may take what you say anyway I choose. Be careful of what you say… I had to learn this a long time ago. I still have not gotten it down.

I hope when you return that you will still love me the way you do now.

I hope I can find this beautiful heart of mine.. Because it has been lost.

If you can see it.. then how come I cannot! If I'm so fucking beautiful then how come I can't see it!

I think… Some people have their beauty on the inside and some.. Have their beauty on the outside.

Truth? There is no such thing as truth.

So.. I must say my last goodbye in this letter. Because I am ash I shall return to ash. 

There is no future for me."

The hard part wasn't drawing the knife over their wrists or waiting for the darkness to set in that person thought. It was trying to imagine the feeling that that person who cared for them would have when they learned of the news that their love was dead.

That was the hard part.

That was that someone's last thought before they fell into an endless sleep where their heart would hopefully be found and they would realize that their soul was inside them, shining brightly, hidden by their inability to see themselves.

"It was such a shame," said their love, holding the bloody knife in a death grip as their tears fell and stained the note. "She was so capable of seeing the pureness in others, and yet she could not see her own pure heart."


End file.
